There is power in confronting the fears & beliefs that hold us back. It is a power that brings a sense of calm, peace, & self-worth.

It’s been a funny week, this week. 

When I say funny, what I really mean is unsettling.

Over the years, as my levels of self-awareness have grown, and through my coach training, I have learnt more about myself - what my individual personality and behavioural preferences are, and what I need to feel psychologically safe, and, in the long-term, to thrive.  I have become more comfortable with embracing these preferences; instead of viewing them as a flaw, I try to celebrate them, because, the truth is, they can be a bit of a superpower when channelled in a positive way.

So, what do I need to feel safe? 

What do I need to thrive? 

The big ones for me are:

Stability.

Familiarity.

To feel I have an element of control / power over my life.

A high level of certainty. 

Uncertainty scares me A LOT and results in me feeling unsettled, worrisome, grumpy, teary, and just generally off-kilter.  I know I’m not alone in this, because uncertainty crops up a lot with my coaching clients.

So, what does this have to do with this week?

Within my internal coaching role, I have been notified about some proposed – completely unexpected - changes that will directly impact my front-line coaching work.  As you might imagine, this triggered my fear around uncertainty.  The changes that I have not yet had the opportunity to express my views on = a lack of control / feeling powerless.  Changes that would be detrimental to my coachees, and to me = huge inner conflict, because I am so passionate about supporting others to the best of my ability.  Lots of annual leave being taken across the organisation, meaning I can’t move this forward and reach a satisfactory resolution = frustration and feeling stuck i.e. feeling powerless.

So, what has supported me to manage my fear around this situation, this week?

What has supported me to create some certainty in this uncertain situation?

What has supported me to exert some control in this uncertain period?

What has supported me to feel more empowered in a situation where I could feel completely powerless.

I am much, much better at dealing with uncertainty and, over the years, through coaching, I have learned to manage this much more quickly and effectively.   As with most fears, this isn’t something I’ll just get over; that’s the thing with fear – it’s part of who we are and our lived experiences.  However, I believe we can learn to manage it.

For me, this starts by:

• Acknowledging it when it shows up - confronting it / calling it out.

• Then sitting with it and exploring the root of where it’s coming from.

I appreciate that fear is complex and what I’m about to describe didn’t materialise overnight.  This has developed over time and through my coaching experience.

From a neurological perspective, our brains recognise fear as a threat to our safety and, as a consequence, enters survival mode.   Our stress levels increase and our emotions are hyper-sensitive.  Our central nervous system reacts by increasing our heart rate, sweating etc.  The parts of our brain that support us to problem-solve and think rationally are effectively switched off during this time, as the brain is prioritising surviving the threat.  However, we really need these areas of our brain to support us to manage the fear and move forward in a constructive way.  When we talk about ‘fight’, ‘flight’, ‘freeze’ and ‘fawn’ – these are all survival brain reactions. 

*Typically, my survival brain reaction is to fight!  So, after receiving news of the changes via email, I moved away from my laptop, made a coffee, and paced around the kitchen – I essentially created some breathing space to process what was being said.  The movement also supported me to calm down my nervous system and re-enter learning brain mode, where logical thinking occurs .

*I then opened up a blank email and spent a few minutes emptying my head, spilling out everything that was whirring around in my head in a gloriously unfiltered way.

*I then created some more breathing space by putting a load of washing on – not very exciting, but did the trick!

*I returned to my notes and asked myself the following questions:

How do I want to respond to this?

What about this is really important to me?

What am I scared of?

What / who do I need to prioritise?  Do I want to be a ‘good girl’ - a pleaser - who doesn’t create waves, or do I want to fight for what I deeply believe in?

Are the messages I’m telling myself around this based on fact or opinion?

What’s helpful to me right now?

What’s unhelpful / limiting me from moving forward with this?

What needs to happen next?

What can I do right now?

Who can support me with this?

*As part of my plan to move forward, I completed an exercise around the circles of control and clarified what, within this situation, is completely out of my control, what is within my power to influence, and what is within my direct control to change.

*I decided I would appeal these changes.

*I contacted a colleague who can support me with my appeal.

*I listed all the evidence - the facts - I have to support my appeal.

*I replied to the original email, stating my concerns, and asked for a meeting to discuss these further, when they return from leave.

I still have to wait for a resolution, which I don’t find easy, but I feel calmer and more content that I have explored my reaction to this news and done everything within my power to exert some control and influence over this uncertain situation. 

Image credit: @yung_pueblo

I believe there is power in confronting the fears and beliefs that hold us back.  That limit us.  That keep us small.   It is a power that, for me, brings a sense of calm, peace, and self-worth.

I’d love to hear your thoughts and, as always, if any of this resonates with you get in touch.

Laura x